Our Best Bicycle Crashes (Scientifically Rated on a 10 Point Scale)

Last week Morgan and I got into a pretty bad tumble on the way from Siem Reap to Phnom Penh – one of those types of crashes you wish was filmed because it would have looked awesome in slow motion. There have been more than a handful of those since we left Paris, and it got us thinking; what are the most dramatic bicycle crashes we’ve had? With the help of science and stuff, we determined the five best.

#5: Dijon, France

Victim: Chris

Culprit: Railroad Tracks

The Set-up: It’s day 5 of the Postulate One trip and Chris kicks things off by letting a front wheel slip into the diagonal railroad tracks crossing the intersection. He quickly learns his bike is not a train.

Style Points: Superman projection over the handlebars, front bags thrown off, blocking traffic: 7 points.

Damage: skinned elbow, bent brake lever.  6 points.

Avg. Score: 6.5 points

#4: Madhra Pradesh, India

Victim: Morgan

The culprit: boy on bicycle

The Set-up: It started with the cow.  Morgan was minding his own business, cruising fast through the village in the middle of the road.  A boy cycling next to him swerved to avoid the cow, and t-boned Morgan in the front wheel.

Style Points: Having an entire village of onlookers surround the crash site, the scared kid grabbing his bike and running away before he could get scolded. 8 points

Damage: busted shoulder, snapped gear lever. 7 points.

Avg. Score: 7.5 points

#3: Pontic Mountains, Turkey

Victim: Morgan

The culprit: Big Rig Truck

The Set-up: Riding through one of Turkey’s 4 kilometer long tunnels along the Black Sea, Morgan gets a little too close to the curb when a big rig truck passes by him.

Style Points: Causing the next approaching truck to slam on its brakes and avoid crushing Morgan’s head by a matter of feet.  10 points!

Damage: cracked helmet, deep psychological fear of tunnels for the rest of the trip. 7 points

Avg. Score:8.5 points

#2: Siem Reap, Cambodia

Victim: Chris and Morgan

The culprit: Pothole

The Set-up: Cambodia’s national highway 6 is perfectly paved except for its jagged edges, a fine scenario up until the ride leader starts daydreaming.

Style Points: Morgan reverse McTwisty sideways tumble, taking out Chris who was following right behind, and making the kids in front of an elementary school laugh. 9 points

Damage: bruised hips and shoulders, Morgan’s front wheel badly bent. Two very bummed bicycle tourists. 9 points

Avg. Score: 9 points 

#1: Basil, Switzerland

Victim: Morgan

The Culprit: Dumpster

The set-up: So there was an empty road in Switzerland, and then there was this dumpster off to one side…

Style Points: beautifully executed, full speed rendezvous with a large stationary object. 10 points

Damage: Bicycle frame completely bent in two, and maybe Morgan’s pride. 10 points

Avg. Score: 10 points

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4 Responses to Our Best Bicycle Crashes (Scientifically Rated on a 10 Point Scale)

  1. pH says:

    A wonderful post – hilarious and insightful. Several of these anecdotes I did not know, and I consider myself a total collector of PostOne trivia.

    As the priviledged “first on the scene” for Morgan’s 1st run into a stationary object (see reference in video piece accompanying #1, above), I feel compelled to fill in that blank. Circa Fall 1999: Morgan is playing PopWarner football and rides his bicycle down a long and steep downhill circuit of streets to get the to playing field. It’s one of the first days of practice with all the gear and pads, and we (‘rents) instruct Morgan to wear his football helmet when he rides down. So Morgan is off, on his little bike, with his shoulder pads sticking out way past the ends of his handlebars, and he disappears at the end of our street to make the right turn into the steep downhill of a quite residential street. I do not make the association with my son when I hear, seconds later, what sounds like a delivery truck sliding door shutting.
    It was, in fact, a UPS delivery truck door. But it wasn’t shutting. It was receiving the perfect imprint of Morgan Hartley, speadeagled like the road runner, smack in the center of the flat back end of the vehicle, like an art piece.

  2. Delphia says:

    Thanks for sharing. Your post is a useful cobintnutior.

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